Posted in stream of consciousness

Baby Spiders Before 7 AM

This is not at all what I would normally post but … I don’t know, I’ll call it a slice of life.

This morning I had to kill a spider.

It wasn’t just any spider. No. I didn’t realize this was some mutant momma spider.

I thought it looked weird … but what the hell do I know before 7 AM when my daughter is refusing to go in her bathroom because of said spider.

So I smashed it

And baby spiders scattered across the tile.

I … Just stared for a second … I had that “sweet baby Jesus what have I done” moment.

Of course, I can’t shut the bathroom door and leave them. No, they’ll regroup into some Cartoon Network mutant villainy crap if I do that.

So I start screaming at my daughter to get the bug spray from the garage.

I’m pretty sure this shit is outdoor only use. It’s probably straight up expired acid at this point.

I do not care. I douse those innocent babies like I’m going burn the whole place and never look back.

Then I shut the door and walk away because I’m officially out of time for this to be a problem.

The more I think about it, the more I think that this was hidden in the fine print when I signed the parent contract. I didn’t knowingly sign up for baby spiders before 7AM.

Author:

Letters from inside my head

4 thoughts on “Baby Spiders Before 7 AM

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