Well, hi there.
It’s been a while, I understand if you don’t recognize me.
How to fully explain where I’ve been … (if you care I suppose).
I’ve posted 22 times this year. Slightly under last years 25. I guess there has been a pandemic right?
Lately, I’ve thought a lot about my lack of writing and my creative slump. I crave creativity, it makes me feel good and I want to chase that feeling … but I’m also working 3 (2 1/2 really) jobs.
I’ve also been on a kick for the last few years to really work on me. I felt like I’d been living from a place of survival, like I was still clawing my way back from some of the not-as-good places I’d been in my life.
Not only does it leave me feeling behind but when I finally get to a point where I no longer think I need to “just survive” I don’t know what to do with that. Pulling myself upwards no longer really worked because I was on a different type of path.
In short, it’s been a couple of reflective years and between that and everything else I had nothing creative coming to me. I thought I should have, there was definitely some content there, but maybe I was too close to it.
Anyway, one of my goals now is to create a new writing schedule and stick to it. Hopefully we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.
Though memories of childhood
Often elude my grasp
I remember moments
And words muttered
Which were never kind
Or instilling those things needed
To exist beyond their grasp
It occurs to me
Every now and then
This is why I thought life
Was worthy of nothing
But then what?
Said like a snake slithering
Escaping the stomping feet of the world
A place in what lies beyond
Floating in darkness that swallows all
Nothingness is crushing
To swim forever
Wishing you’d come upon a shore
I chose to exist
Outside those words
Seemed the better alternative
RDP – Apparition
I fell asleep
In the arms of an apparition
A breath of cold air
Brushing my hair
It’s a perfectly unscary Halloween tale of what happens when the silence grows
It’s not really the smell of cooking eggs that I hate.
It’s the nose curdling smell of burning butter.
The smell of an incoming fight as my sister and I struggle to properly fry eggs for my dad’s plate. It sets into the nose, waving disgust throughout the face.
It’s the sneer as he gazes upon broken yolks.
It becomes the increasingly fraught silence as he refuses to eat. Then tears, as my mother stares everywhere but at the glaring reality.
These waves are a figment of my imagination
Of our collective belief
Problems washed out to sea
Pulled away as we lounge on the shore
A collective fatigue
Roasting on the boardwalk
We try to collect it
Pay copper coins to taste it
They clang into an endless bucket
While our tongues shrivel
There’s no water here
No salve for our burns
These waves wash us out to sea
My mind is wandering
Sinking in the sand
Riding cresting waves
Dappled light clearing the way
Water heavy with salt
We can’t help but float away
When will we know we’re lost
Where the moon rests on the coast
A horizon ever pulling back
Tempting our dreams
Foaming with life
Treading thick seams
How will we know
There’s something pooling just beyond your lips
Words spilled over, stiffening the air
Your fingers reach, drawing them away
Desperate attempts to scoop
Rest them at the back of your throat
The essence remains
I wish I could breathe you in
Let your smoke burn my lungs
And exhale the fear hanging over this
A heavy fog and matte rain
Slow drips of diluted love
That waters the flowers
But not enough
Welcome back to Stream of Consciousness Sundays, where I have a random word and write for whatever comes to mind for a certain amount of time (5-10 minutes). Today is 5 minutes (more or less)
Word: Austere – FOWC & Lollygag – RDP
Austere words line the hall
Pictures in which we lay
Slow smiles lollygag across the face
Spilled milk resting in the valleys
Against graham peaks
Bury me there
Where lesions are eased
I’ve been busy for months it seems. At some point I decided to start my own business which has preoccupied me like nothing else. I know I need to make time to write though and have been working on freeing time up for that.
Theres something in the air
Breaking from the sky
Electric shocks and torrential downpours
Splitting my silk tongue
Frayed ends tickle the throat
Tie up the lungs
Filling the belly with silken worms