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Posted in Writer Life

Is this thing on?

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

*Taps Mic*

Is this thing on? Can you hear me?

Hi there, it’s been a minute or two. I think I’ve written before about how the pandemic really hampered my creativity and creative schedule. Although we seem to be returning to normal, for better or worse, that hasn’t helped the situation.

My full time job has been crushing. Everyday I feel as if a boulder has landed on me. My head hurts, I clench my jaw, grind my teeth and I don’t have the capacity for much beyond the stress and frustration I feel. I find myself living in a constant state of stress (my Garmin watch agrees). Even after the work day ends, I’ve struggled to find time for creativity, myself, anything really. I’m never decompressed enough to work on anything else beyond basic survival of myself and family.

I am exhausted.

So this year, I’m taking a risk and making a leap. I turned in my notice at the full time job and am going to devote myself full time to the things I’m passionate about. Hopefully some of them will pay the bills along the way.

This is actually pretty terrifying when I think about it because it’s not just me. I have a family, pets, etc but I also have a safety cushion and have done the math over and over to know I can survive for at least a little while.

Last year I had a goal of writing 1 story a month which I absolutely didn’t do, not even a little bit. For this year, I gave myself a similar goal of writing at least 6 stories, 1 every 2 months. With some space to breathe, I can hopefully meet it.

No matter how scary the idea of actually taking this leap is, it’s so nice to actually be able to crawl from under this boulder and have the capacity to work on these things.

So here’s to a new year, new adventures and new leaps.

If you’re reading this, take a second and tell me how you’re doing.

Posted in stream of consciousness

Acquisition/Acquired Taste

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

I have this listed under the word of the day – Acquisition … I guess I can see where I was going with that.

Hate is an acquired taste bought off discount shelves when no else would bother letting it percolate. I have no qualms about the boiling rage rushing through my veins. All the what ifs, the whys, they mingle into a frenzy, a syrup of regret and blame. I won’t be the one drinking it this time.

Posted in flash fiction

Purple Pigs and Green Donkeys

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

Today’s random sentence was: A purple pig and a green donkey flew a kite in the middle of the night and ended up sunburnt.

Here’s what came of it:

A purple pig and a green donkey flew a kite in the middle of the night and ended up sunburnt. Pig’s skin darkened into a thick dark clay while Donkey’s browned, like grass under the autumn sun. Pig swore he was fine though he moved like molasses through the field. 

“I’m just a little crunchy but it’ll peel.”

“Come on Pig, I’ll carry you.” 

Donkey’s legs, wilting like leaves, crumbled under the weight.

Posted in flash fiction

Tomatoes/Hashbrowns

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

I’ve been writing from a random word everyday for several weeks. Today I switched it up to a random sentence. The randomness did not disappoint.

Tomatoes make good weapons when water balloons aren’t available.

And this is where I went with it:

Tomatoes make good weapons when water balloons aren’t available. They’re just heavy enough to slow a thing down and appropriately messy. I don’t know for a fact that tomato guts to the eye will be as effective as holy water but it can’t be far off. 

My nerves settle into my belly releasing a wave of nausea. Perhaps the heaved chunks of a morning breakfast will work too. 

Just outside the metal cafeteria doors I can hear a raging river of small voices murmuring in sync. 

What is it they’re saying?

It sounds like a low squalling but a distinctive rhythm makes me pause. The murmur starts low, rising then declining again. A distinctive hum begins to form, one that has echoed through the cafeteria many times before. 

Are they chanting “hash browns”?

Posted in stream of consciousness

You(Me) – Storm

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

Today’s randomized word was storm (from randomwordgenerator.com)

In an alternate timeline, I(you) turn back every single time. I(you) refuse to leave, I(you) stand by instinct instead of running with fear. In every single timeline, but not here. Here I(we) reach into the murky future, a creek flooded by dreams and darkened by reality. I imagine, if I could see my reflection, she would be desperately searching, anything to help you(her) see. How can we be one if you(we) float away to the sea?

Posted in Writer Life

Ice Ice Baby

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

This past week has been a little crazy.

Monday through Wednesday were beautiful weather then Thursday we had an ice storm, which seems to be becoming the weather of choice for Feb. Because of that we lost power for almost 24 hours.

I had a blog idea in the midst of that but … there was just a lot of other stuff going on.

I think it may have been about resilience and fatigue and how much staying strong (or even just staying upright) during these last few years has had a toll.

I come from a traumatic background and know how hard it can be to exist in survival mode for any length of time. Even if we may not realize it, most of us have probably been in survival mode for a while. It looks different for everyone but we all definitely feel the fatigue, or maybe the languishing, of it.

My question of the day for you is do you feel this too? What are some ways you’ve cared yourself in the midst of all this?

(Photo from last years Feb ice storm)

Posted in Writer Life

Writing Goal

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

One of my goals for this year is to put together another book. I’ve had a thought for a while that it would be cool to write a book with several micro fiction or vignette type pieces around a central theme or character or event.

Starting in Feb/end of Jan I’m going to try and write 1 piece a week, which after writing practically nothing last year will be a challenge.

I’ve read books like this and plan to revisit those too. What books have you read that were comprised of smaller stories centered around one event, character, etc?

I’m also excited to actually put together a book again. When I released my poetry book in 2020 it was very much an experiment for me. I picked the pieces, composed them in a way that felt good (but may not have actually flowed well), designed the cover … It was fun. I want to continue learning about that part of the process this year.

I hope you’re all doing well in this unending insanity we call life.

Posted in stream of consciousness

The Art of Languishing

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

I’m not just tired

My bones are melting away

Reclaimed by the universe

Ground into stardust and debris

My skin shrinks away in fear

Small fissures collapsing in on one another 

Growing caverns in the spaces I used to love

Life pooling among the rocks

A sweet elixir burning through my soul

I wanted to become

Without realizing what it meant

So no, I’m not just tired

I’m coming apart at every thread

Posted in Word Prompt

Hi

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

Well, hi there.

It’s been a while, I understand if you don’t recognize me.

How to fully explain where I’ve been … (if you care I suppose).

I’ve posted 22 times this year. Slightly under last years 25. I guess there has been a pandemic right?

Lately, I’ve thought a lot about my lack of writing and my creative slump. I crave creativity, it makes me feel good and I want to chase that feeling … but I’m also working 3 (2 1/2 really) jobs.

I’ve also been on a kick for the last few years to really work on me. I felt like I’d been living from a place of survival, like I was still clawing my way back from some of the not-as-good places I’d been in my life.

Not only does it leave me feeling behind but when I finally get to a point where I no longer think I need to “just survive” I don’t know what to do with that. Pulling myself upwards no longer really worked because I was on a different type of path.

In short, it’s been a couple of reflective years and between that and everything else I had nothing creative coming to me. I thought I should have, there was definitely some content there, but maybe I was too close to it.

Anyway, one of my goals now is to create a new writing schedule and stick to it. Hopefully we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.

Posted in stream of consciousness

Then What?

Posted on by Kelley Farrell

Though memories of childhood
Often elude my grasp
I remember moments
And words muttered
Which were never kind
Or instilling those things needed
To exist beyond their grasp
It occurs to me
Every now and then
This is why I thought life
Beyond
Was worthy of nothing
Maybe death
But then what?
Said like a snake slithering
Escaping the stomping feet of the world
Then what?
A place in what lies beyond
Floating in darkness that swallows all
Then what?
Nothingness is crushing
Exhausting
To swim forever
Wishing you’d come upon a shore
But then
I chose to exist
Outside those words
Seemed the better alternative