Posted in Word Prompt

Did You See Those Fireworks

Welcome to 2018! That feels weird to write, where has time gone …

WordPress Daily Prompt – Conversation

The afternoon is beginning to slip away when I find myself sitting outside with you while you smoke.

Years of paranoia have taken root. I’ve spent much of our time frequently checking my surroundings, expecting my father, or someone he’s sent, to pop out at any moment and ruin everything.

You’ve been patient. You’ve held my hand while we’ve talked and spent those few precious moments together.

I watch you, next to me, staring out into the parking lot from our perch by some god awful landscaping.

“Why wouldn’t you kiss me?” It’s a simple enough question but I shrug. I want to, with every fiber of my being I do, but there’s a fear that’s deep rooted. If my father found out I was here with you …

“There were just a lot of people in there.” I’m still just a girl who struggles to explain and that seems like the safest answer. You let your cigarette dangle from the side of your mouth. An idea slither’s into my mind. As playful as I can I lean towards you and grab at it.

You were always more straightforward than I. “What are you doing? Stop.” As quickly as the playful game to get a kiss came, it’s gone, now replaced with a sinking feeling I’m all too familiar with.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper. “I just wanted a kiss.” If there’s frustration in your eyes I miss it. Instead you move closer to me.

“Oh yeah? Ok. Well, here, you can take it.” You lean in more, offering to play my silly little girl game. I hesitate only for a second before grabbing the cigarette.

Suddenly your lips are on mine. It steals my breath away, is this what a kiss is supposed to feel like? My heart shudders and the darkness behind my closed eyes erupts in color. You rest your hand gently against my cheek, letting your fingers wrap in my hair. I may be young still but I’m certain this is special.

In that moment every ounce of fear and uncertainty fades. There’s no one but us and I have no worries that we’ll be caught. In that moment I’m certain you’d protect me. It feels right, like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be; in this moment with you.

Somehow I’ve managed to keep ahold of the cigarette and as our lips finally part you slip your hand into mine and take it back.

For a second we stare at each other, electrified.

“Did you see those fireworks?” You ask quietly.


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Posted in Word Prompt

The World is Loud

I’m dropping an actual blog on you today!

I’ve been without half my hearing for over two weeks.

Over the past couple of days, with a second round of medicine, it seems like it’s beginning to come back but what I hear is still significantly softer in one ear than the other.

Two weeks of only being able to from one ear has been interesting. I’ve noticed a couple things.

The world is fucking loud. When I first lost my hearing it was really sudden, I went to bed one night able to hear and woke up unable to. I slept through my alarm because I was on my side with the ear that could still hear buried in my pillow. In fact, I slept through my alarm every morning for over a week before I learned I needed to make a conscious effort to sleep on the other side so I’d be able to hear it. At work my normally quiet office was even quieter. The sound of constantly running printers and people tapping away on keyboards was dimmed so much that I didn’t notice it at all if they were on my right side (which, for reference, is pretty much my whole department).

All those little side conversations that people have, I could hear them talking but I had no idea what anyone was saying. Even if they were talking loudly but there was more than one person, nope, I just had to tune it out and ask later what the conversation was about. At first it was frustrating but that leads me to lesson 2.

A lot of what is said isn’t really worth it. Often when I asked what was said or what the conversation was about I was just told it was nothing. Rarely was it something worth repeating or worth my attention. I’m a daydreamer, I exist a lot in my own head anyway, not being able to hear found me existing there more than normal. I always thought I’d feel left out if I couldn’t be a part of the mindless office conversations that keep the day going but I didn’t really miss them. I can still have significant conversations with my friends at work and they knew to talk a little louder and slower (and more to my left) so that I’d hear and understand.

I noticed more too. Without my normal range of hearing I had to rely on other things to get me through seemingly normal stuff. Those stiff “heys” in the hallway as you pass people, I couldn’t hear those. I had to rely on facial expressions to determine if they were saying “hey” or if it was more of “oh my god, what’s on her shirt? Does she know that’s there?” I had to rely on body language too, my daughter really loves to start talking to me when I’m in the middle of 50 other things and of course all 50 of those things make noise. I had to rely on what she was doing with her body to see if this was a silly, happy story or sad, “I need support” story or “hey, watch this thing on this TV show that I’ve shown you already 50,000 times” story.

I was once terrified of the idea of not being able to hear. The idea of existing in silence … If you posed the “would you rather be blind or deaf” to me I would choose blind because in my mind I could deal with not being able to see but not hearing? When kids are little and they say they’re scared of the dark … I was the opposite. I was less afraid of the dark and more afraid of quiet. I slept, and still do actually but more out of habit now, with music on because I thought as long as there was noise the creepy crawly’s that existed in that dark space between sunset and sunrise wouldn’t come get me.

I’m still terrified of silence honestly, but living in a world that’s a little bit quieter hasn’t proven to be that bad. I’m still very glad to find that my hearing seems to be returning and I’m hoping that it returns completely but in the meantime I’m a little less terrified of the idea of living in, at least partial, silence.


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