Posted in stream of consciousness

iPhone Prefers Ducks

I don’t mean to say it so much
But sometimes this world *d*ucking sucks.
And when I’m frustrated
I don’t really want my phone to trade my violent words
For small feathery creatures,
Perhaps in hopes it will quell raging digits.
Somehow it works and I laugh at the absurdity
Of our materialism
And our in love yet in loathe relationships
With AI and short fuses.
Then I think of you
And my words come to a jumbling, clotting stop
Because I’ve long preferred making myself small
In hopes that avoidance of everything big
Will render me no more than the innocent bystander to a life
I’ve never felt in control of.
Maybe I’ve always believed I didn’t deserve the beauty you gave me.
It doesn’t erase the emptiness,
Or the memories of the last time I truly felt home etched in my soul.
But I can’t type “fuck” because iPhone prefers ducks.

Posted in flash fiction

Poker Face

We’re standing opposite one another.

Me and the boy.

Me, with insecurities spilling to the pavement and tears running my spirit dry, and the boy, with his faltering understanding and screaming eyes.

I draw my lips into the best line I can manage. I quell my tears, reserving them to the well settling in my stomach.

He turns away, arms crossed over his fading, shredding t-shirt.

This, I slowly realize, will not end like the story crafted in my mind. My narrative written on real life has gone horribly awry.

“I guess this is it then.” His voice trembles as my heart descends foggy valleys unknown.

Wait … But ingrained habit and childhood rules dictate; my poker face must remain. The last one standing wins. I’ll regret this …

Slowly, I reach a shaking hand for his.

“Just go.”

We collect our shattered pieces in silence, me and my poker face opposite the boy I love.

I plaster my poker face, like a second skin, and tell myself it’s ok over and over again.

The boy tucks himself gently into the darkest corners of his mind where he confides in demons he hides.

The last one standing wins. My poker face has become my sin.