Posted in flash fiction, Word Prompt

Chairs

Photo from Pixabay

“I asked you to get the chairs out.” Lila knew that Charles would use every opportunity to exasperate her, especially when it came to her family.

“I did.” His lips curved into a smirk, only infuriating her more.

“How exactly do you expect anyone to sit in them?” She spit the words towards him like sharpened knives. Charles tapped his chin as he examined his chair placement.

“You didn’t specify what the chairs were to be used for. You just said get them out.” He gestured grandly. “They’re out … your highness.” The last words stung with a venom only her husband could perfect.

“You’re ridiculous.” Sharp pain shot through Lila’s palms where her nails were threatening to break skin. “This is ridiculous!”

“It is, isn’t it? I suppose that’s what you get.” 

The force of her slap sent him reeling to the side. He half expected his fingers to come away from the stinging imprint with a coating of fresh blood.

“You bitch! You want chairs! Here!” Charles channeled the rage spiraling through him as he shook the metal pergola. The polls swayed violently, shaking the chairs loose. All at once they came crashing down to the pavement.

Word Count: 199
For
Sunday Photo Fiction and RDP word of the day: Talk

Posted in Word Prompt

The World is Loud

I’m dropping an actual blog on you today!

I’ve been without half my hearing for over two weeks.

Over the past couple of days, with a second round of medicine, it seems like it’s beginning to come back but what I hear is still significantly softer in one ear than the other.

Two weeks of only being able to from one ear has been interesting. I’ve noticed a couple things.

The world is fucking loud. When I first lost my hearing it was really sudden, I went to bed one night able to hear and woke up unable to. I slept through my alarm because I was on my side with the ear that could still hear buried in my pillow. In fact, I slept through my alarm every morning for over a week before I learned I needed to make a conscious effort to sleep on the other side so I’d be able to hear it. At work my normally quiet office was even quieter. The sound of constantly running printers and people tapping away on keyboards was dimmed so much that I didn’t notice it at all if they were on my right side (which, for reference, is pretty much my whole department).

All those little side conversations that people have, I could hear them talking but I had no idea what anyone was saying. Even if they were talking loudly but there was more than one person, nope, I just had to tune it out and ask later what the conversation was about. At first it was frustrating but that leads me to lesson 2.

A lot of what is said isn’t really worth it. Often when I asked what was said or what the conversation was about I was just told it was nothing. Rarely was it something worth repeating or worth my attention. I’m a daydreamer, I exist a lot in my own head anyway, not being able to hear found me existing there more than normal. I always thought I’d feel left out if I couldn’t be a part of the mindless office conversations that keep the day going but I didn’t really miss them. I can still have significant conversations with my friends at work and they knew to talk a little louder and slower (and more to my left) so that I’d hear and understand.

I noticed more too. Without my normal range of hearing I had to rely on other things to get me through seemingly normal stuff. Those stiff “heys” in the hallway as you pass people, I couldn’t hear those. I had to rely on facial expressions to determine if they were saying “hey” or if it was more of “oh my god, what’s on her shirt? Does she know that’s there?” I had to rely on body language too, my daughter really loves to start talking to me when I’m in the middle of 50 other things and of course all 50 of those things make noise. I had to rely on what she was doing with her body to see if this was a silly, happy story or sad, “I need support” story or “hey, watch this thing on this TV show that I’ve shown you already 50,000 times” story.

I was once terrified of the idea of not being able to hear. The idea of existing in silence … If you posed the “would you rather be blind or deaf” to me I would choose blind because in my mind I could deal with not being able to see but not hearing? When kids are little and they say they’re scared of the dark … I was the opposite. I was less afraid of the dark and more afraid of quiet. I slept, and still do actually but more out of habit now, with music on because I thought as long as there was noise the creepy crawly’s that existed in that dark space between sunset and sunrise wouldn’t come get me.

I’m still terrified of silence honestly, but living in a world that’s a little bit quieter hasn’t proven to be that bad. I’m still very glad to find that my hearing seems to be returning and I’m hoping that it returns completely but in the meantime I’m a little less terrified of the idea of living in, at least partial, silence.


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Posted in Word Prompt

It’s Just Not Fashionable …

WordPress Daily Prompt – Fashionable

Look out! Actual blog incoming!

There was a time, in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t that long ago, when my head was so fucking loud.

At any given second there were a thousand things all competing for a space on my mind. There was drama, loathing, negativity …

I hated everyone but most of all, above everything else, I hated myself.

I absolutely couldn’t stand myself and anytime a moment of pride, a good thought, a feeling of something well deserved, managed to sneak in … it only made me dig that dagger deeper.

I suffered from crippling depression. Killing myself was an almost daily thought although I never acted on it because I didn’t think I was worth the effort it would take to clean up.

It was more that I just wanted to disappear.

I wanted to go away but I wanted to do so in the least evasive way possible. Lest I find myself further inconveniencing others with my life, or lack thereof.

I couldn’t let myself have good things. In my mind I deserved the bad, I brought it down on myself like a wayward child purposely toppling case after case of books on themselves.

It hurt, I knew it would hurt but in my mind I deserved it.

And then one day something happened.

Something from my past came forward to find me. The universe so eloquently dropped it  right into my lap and reminded me that you can’t run from things that are meant to be a part of you.

I don’t know that I had ever cried as hard as I did in that moment.

I don’t know that I had ever felt the relief that I did in that moment.

I don’t know that I had ever felt anything in the way that I did in that moment.

After that I learned the art of being still and being quiet. I learned how to quiet my mind and how to bring myself peace. I learned to be ok with the times where I falter, because everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has days and moments and honestly that’s life with depression. It’s up and down and all around sometimes. I learned to steer myself instead of letting the noise in my head take the wheel.

All of this comes into sharp focus for me when I see things on TV that seem to glamorize things like suicide. TV shows that attempt to show it and explain it but do so in such teenage drama ways that they miss the point. Or when I see mass destruction, people driven by forces that are purely evil, raining terror down on others.

And I see ways that we could help these things, ways we could have real conversations but it’s fashionable, in some circles it seems, to be loud, to let the noise take the wheel. Those conversations will never happen when the noise is driving.

I don’t know how to implore the world to be still, to think, to be quiet then speak. I don’t know if we can and I honestly don’t if it would help but these days it seems like maybe the need for noise should fall out of fashion.


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